December 26, 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
I hope your Christmas was good for you and your loved ones.  Christmas is the single most important holiday for me.  It celebrates God giving us His Son.


May all your dreams and wishes come true in 2011.


God bless you and yours.

Tuesday, December 21

How are you?
Really a rhetorical question right now since this is basically a very public personal journal.
Merry Christmas, in the truest sense as a celebration of the birth of the true King of Kings, Lord of Lords - Jesus Christ, the Son of God.
Happy New Year... but that was said last year and every year before.
So, really, how are you?

Well, life is sucking pretty badly these days in so many ways.  The balance sheet leans heavily towards sadness and despair rather than towards happiness and peace.  Belief, Faith, Hope... my three true friends.  They are the only reasons I can still go on.
It seems that for every step forward, I am pushed back three... how about you?
Are your dreams still strong, are your goals within reach?

Bankrupt, broke, but not beaten.  Still holding on to the shreds and shards of hope.

God I really need a miracle, again.  You have been there for me at the most desperate and crucial times. God, my heavenly Father, you know my needs, my situation, my trials.... please God, HELP ME, carry me through these times, these challenging circumstances...

Only God knows the future, only God can bring the miracles.

I wait in hopeful prayers.

To be or not to be

Is it better to have been adopted, given some opportunities with the trade off being physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse... then not to be adopted at all?


Is it worth it?

So, what

So what?
Great question.
So what if my life sucks so bad?
So what if your life is better/worse?
So what is this all for, what are we living for, what does it mean? Does it have to mean anything or are we just a transitory visitor for a brief time?
So what is the meaning, the purpose, the reason, the goal, the beginning, the raison d'etre for all this?

Not to be a downer, cuz this has been one hell of a ride, but, man, is this all there is?

Wacky Wednesday Dec 8

A short note.
I am beginning to not like this Christmas season very much.  So much pain in so many places and all this surreal consumerism and capitalism to buy, buy, buy.... for what?
Most people aren't any happier on Dec 26th.  So what's all this fuss?

The small kernel of hope and reason seems to be to remind us that Christ is the reason for the season.

Happy Holidays everybody, and Merry Christmas.

Monday December 6

Man, why does it not get better?  I think I've been a good guy, mostly.  Given what I had and started with, I honestly think that I did OK overall.  Kept my sanity and self control for the most part growing up in a caustic and adversarial adopted home.  Went to college and by the Grace of God I did finish and graduated into a 20 year career in the Navy.  Went through a marriage that should never have happened but was a good learning experience.  Married again into a drama filled second marriage, but did get three beautiful children.  


So, what the heck am I supposed to do now that I'm 62, nearly broke, alone "again, naturally" for the most part?  What?  Where am I going?  I look ahead to what 5, 10 more years of struggle and fighting to make ends meet?  Whom am I doing this for?  I would really like to have some good reasons for continuing this fight, this endless string of dead ends and cliffs.  


What do you need to be happy?  What is the real meaning of life?  Family? Friends? Country? Wealth? The big 5: Fame, Fortune, Power, Knowledge, Sex?  WTF?  Man there are so many reasons to call it quits, to say the hell with it.  I am very tired of this shit.  


How about you?