December 26, 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
I hope your Christmas was good for you and your loved ones.  Christmas is the single most important holiday for me.  It celebrates God giving us His Son.


May all your dreams and wishes come true in 2011.


God bless you and yours.

Tuesday, December 21

How are you?
Really a rhetorical question right now since this is basically a very public personal journal.
Merry Christmas, in the truest sense as a celebration of the birth of the true King of Kings, Lord of Lords - Jesus Christ, the Son of God.
Happy New Year... but that was said last year and every year before.
So, really, how are you?

Well, life is sucking pretty badly these days in so many ways.  The balance sheet leans heavily towards sadness and despair rather than towards happiness and peace.  Belief, Faith, Hope... my three true friends.  They are the only reasons I can still go on.
It seems that for every step forward, I am pushed back three... how about you?
Are your dreams still strong, are your goals within reach?

Bankrupt, broke, but not beaten.  Still holding on to the shreds and shards of hope.

God I really need a miracle, again.  You have been there for me at the most desperate and crucial times. God, my heavenly Father, you know my needs, my situation, my trials.... please God, HELP ME, carry me through these times, these challenging circumstances...

Only God knows the future, only God can bring the miracles.

I wait in hopeful prayers.

To be or not to be

Is it better to have been adopted, given some opportunities with the trade off being physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse... then not to be adopted at all?


Is it worth it?

So, what

So what?
Great question.
So what if my life sucks so bad?
So what if your life is better/worse?
So what is this all for, what are we living for, what does it mean? Does it have to mean anything or are we just a transitory visitor for a brief time?
So what is the meaning, the purpose, the reason, the goal, the beginning, the raison d'etre for all this?

Not to be a downer, cuz this has been one hell of a ride, but, man, is this all there is?

Wacky Wednesday Dec 8

A short note.
I am beginning to not like this Christmas season very much.  So much pain in so many places and all this surreal consumerism and capitalism to buy, buy, buy.... for what?
Most people aren't any happier on Dec 26th.  So what's all this fuss?

The small kernel of hope and reason seems to be to remind us that Christ is the reason for the season.

Happy Holidays everybody, and Merry Christmas.

Monday December 6

Man, why does it not get better?  I think I've been a good guy, mostly.  Given what I had and started with, I honestly think that I did OK overall.  Kept my sanity and self control for the most part growing up in a caustic and adversarial adopted home.  Went to college and by the Grace of God I did finish and graduated into a 20 year career in the Navy.  Went through a marriage that should never have happened but was a good learning experience.  Married again into a drama filled second marriage, but did get three beautiful children.  


So, what the heck am I supposed to do now that I'm 62, nearly broke, alone "again, naturally" for the most part?  What?  Where am I going?  I look ahead to what 5, 10 more years of struggle and fighting to make ends meet?  Whom am I doing this for?  I would really like to have some good reasons for continuing this fight, this endless string of dead ends and cliffs.  


What do you need to be happy?  What is the real meaning of life?  Family? Friends? Country? Wealth? The big 5: Fame, Fortune, Power, Knowledge, Sex?  WTF?  Man there are so many reasons to call it quits, to say the hell with it.  I am very tired of this shit.  


How about you?

Monday November 15, 2010

So what did you do today? What roles did you fill?

My life has been a real nasty trial of disappointments, personal disasters, and incredible setbacks. At first I was disheartened, disappointed, discouraged, depressed. Just plain old Down and almost out.

All my plans seem to have been for naught, all my training, education, work, dreams, hopes... all down the drain. Had hopes of rising higher in the navy. Didn't happen. Then I dreamed that I could fly for the airlines. I even got my ATP and did all the right things. Didn't happen. I became a teacher and then pursued being a principal... that got shot down. Now, well, I'm at a point where I really don't know what's ahead.

But, this I've learned. "man makes his plans, but God directs his path." So, now i patiently, hopefully, prayerfully wait on my God to lead me and show me His will....

Not easy, not fun, but I am working on patience and filling my self with Hope built on the gifts of Grace and Faith.

So, how was your day?

Sunday November 14 2010, a beginning

So, in the end, the BIG QUESTIONS come up... after all the tears, all the laughter and time, we come to some basic, fundamental questions.

May I offer this video to you as a beginning point of the answer...

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/billy_graham_on_technology_faith_and_suffering.html

Link to it and listen to one of the greatest persons talk about the greatest human issues.

Then, follow along as Rick Warren talks about the PURPOSE of Your Life...

http://www.ted.com/talks/rick_warren_on_a_life_of_purpose.html

Well, there you have it... REASON and PURPOSE...
May you live each day well and be fulfilled.

November 13, 2010 Transitions and Thanksgivings

Wish I could have some wishes!  (Are prayers wishes, or a wish list of things we want?)

I'd wish for happiness for my family and friends.
I'd wish for some Justice, a balancing of things in this world.
I'd wish for less poverty and pain and suffering.
I'd wish for less fear and hate, less evil and evil doing.

It is so frustrating to me to see so much inequity and inequality.  Is it really natural for it to be like this, dog eat dog, rich dominating and squeezing the poor, the haves taking advantage of the poor and those in the middle don't give a bit of care about it, as long as they are comfortable?

don't have any answers, been looking for some.  have to just raise my hands in surrender and frustration.
when most of the people on the planet go to bed hungry, when over 20,000 children die of starvation each day, when people are struggling to just each and not be in pain while a few million wallow in obscene wealth... is that the way it has to be?

Sep 29 2010

It has been five months already.  WOW, my does time go by FAST!  Of course, I could OT now and talk about how time does fly faster as you get older because your perception of time does slow down thus accelerating time... but it's all relative.
OK, since May's entry, I've gone back to VB, helped at Asahi, got interviewed by Manatee School for the Arts in Palmetto, got hired in July, and started at the new school here in Florida in August.  I left VB on August 8, drove straight down here, about 1300 miles and 16 hours.  Stayed the first night at the Guest INN where I stayed for the interview.  Then moved in with Rich and Becky for two weeks while I waited for the "mother in law suite" offered at 550.  
Rich and Becky had a nice dog and a great cat "Roger" who became my friend very quickly.  The two weeks went quickly and then I moved into this new place on Aug 21.  Much bigger, nicer.  Also has access to a very nice golf course - the Tara Club - for a most reasonable price. 
Started at the new school, MSA, on Aug 12 for new teacher orientation.  There were 14 new hires this year.  And, though I am a new hire, they gave me credit for the past years experience.  I am officially licensed in Florida now as well.  "Integrated Middle School" license.  The full staff returned on Aug 16 and students returned on the 23rd.  It has been a big adjustment thus far. 
Living wise I am enjoying the warm weather.  It's like Hawaii but with mainland advantages.  It's been 92-94 during the day and about 74 at nights.  It's beginning to slowly cool down, but still it's in the 90's and 70's still at the end of September.  The palm trees and all the semitropical flora and fauna are very lovely.  It rains almost every afternoon.  Very tropical.


The school is focused on offering the ARTS - dance, ball room, hip hop, ballet and modern; music - guitar, keyboard, some other instruments; arts both traditional and modern/digital design.  It is a charter school focused on the ARTS with a strong academic focus.  MSA has done better than average on the FCAT the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test in most areas.  


But, it does have some problems.  The focus is on the arts, so a lot of money has been spent on arts facilities with academics taking a back seat on facilities.  I am in the former 6th grade cafeteria.  It is a large room but I have old cafeteria seats for desks, there is a temporary wall  dividing the class from the hallway, a dance room right next door with loud music most of the time... ah, the joys of being the new guy.  So, I've tried to make lemonade from lemons.  


I have one ADVANCED class, also took over another one from Kevin Gush to help him out.  Then I have three average classes and two classes that are way behind.  Trying to differentiate them as much as I can with process, product and time.  Surprisingly high number of "poor" kids, at-risk groups and almost quarter are Hispanic.  This is going to be a long, trying year.  I hardly have any automation or technology... no white boards, no projector... after a full spectrum of Promethean boards at the last place.  It's hard staying motivated and coming up with good lessons.  Forward and upwards!


And, the home front is still a mire of chaos and diversions.  Children are still struggling to mature.  I am at loss for what to do and how to help.  This is really is getting too much it seems... I'm supposed to be looking forward to retirement and the golden years... guess that's not gonna happen for a long time.  Well, 70 is the new 50!  


OK, enough for one night.  I'll check with you tomorrow... have a good life where ever you are.
God's blessings to you in all things. 

Friday May 28

Well, it's actually Saturday May 29, early morning.
Moved my things out of the school, turned in my keys and my i.d.
I still have to get the FMLA form done, in VB.

All this because of racial and cultural misunderstandings.  Also, my fault on depending on and misinterpreting the minority.  Doesn't it suck that the tail gets to wag the dog?  Why all this focus on the small minority, why do they have so much say so in a representative democracy of majority rules?  What about the majority?  What is a majority?

Well, I hope you are well and that life is being good to you as you want it to be for you.
Check with you tomorrow as we dig deeper into this and many more issues.

Friday May 28

Going to get a physical to verify that I can be on medical leave.  Long story but one that will be told in the coming days.
Waiting for the calls from DoDDS or Hawaii, Florida, Washington... well, not to worry too much.

Check with you later.

May into June, Spring turns to Summer, well in the northern hemisphere!

Let's see why you're here?  You want to know about Orphans?  Adoptees?  Being an Adult?   My experiences in all these stages does NOT make me any kind of expert.  That's the first caveat.
But I would like to post and share for as long as this technology and system lasts - what's the half life of a blog? about a week?  Oh well, maybe it will be enough time to write all my thoughts.

Wanna go backwards?  So the usual question between friends is "What have you done for me lately?"  To paraphrase that a bit, you may wonder "What have YOU accomplished or done that's worth talking about and wasting my valuable time reading about it?"